Never Send a Man to do a Woman's Job
by Leprechaun123
Summary: What happens when you put Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and a badger up a mountain? - Written for the IWSC


School: Hogwarts

Year: 2

Theme: Andromeda (The chained woman) – Character: Hermione Granger – Platonic Pairing: HP/HG

Prompts:  
[Location] Aurora Borealis [Main]  
[Setting] St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Injuries and Maladies  
[Dialogue] "I'm not crazy, my reality is just different from yours,"

Word Count: 2827 words

**Never send a man to do a woman's job**

At eleven o'clock at night, two shadows made their way up Ben Nevis. The small beams from their torches lit up the difficult, rocky path; their feet crunched along the pebbles that lay there. Above them, the inky sky spread out, small white stars sprinkled the darkness. An unseen shooting star sped across the dark sea. Creatures held their breaths as the two individuals climbed the steep incline, their conversation filling the air.

"Come on, Hermione. If you were, you'd tell me, right?" Harry Potter pushed himself further, the small rocks under his feet tumbling away. Hermione Granger groaned loudly as she defiantly marched on; her long jean-clad legs expertly dodged around holes in the ground.

"Harry, for the last time, Draco did not put me under a _spell_," Hermione growled out. "Is that really the reason you suggested this? To question whether I was under a spell? I thought this was meant to be an excursion away from everything!" Harry had the decency to look slightly sheepish at her accusations, his head tilting towards the ground to avoid her penetrating gaze. His hand went up to run his fingers through his hair in embarrassment.

In truth, she was right; it was an excuse to get away from everything. Between Harry being an Auror on missions most of the time and her work in St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, they never had the chance to see each other anymore. After six weeks of not seeing each other except for fleeting moments, Harry suggested they climbed Ben Nevis in the Scottish Highlands because apparently, they'd be able to see the Aurora Borealis aka the Northern Lights from the top. Through their years at Hogwarts, they had made a bucket list of what they wanted to do; it was a way to get away from the terrifying thoughts of war. Seeing the Northern Lights was the only thing that they had left to do together.

Frankly, they could have _apparated_ anywhere to see the lights but there was something therapeutic about physically climbing the mountain. The small stones shifting underneath their feet. The leafy trees waving in the wind. The flashlight's small beam showing the path in front of them. These were all adding to the peaceful atmosphere. Or at least they were until the arguing began.

"I'm sorry, Hermione. I'm just confused, that's all. There are plenty of other males willing to go out with you," Harry stated. "Why Malfoy?" Hermione sighed and pulled on the end of her unravelling plait.

"Honestly, Harry? I'm not sure," she murmured. "I began working with him about fourteen months ago and he was different. He wasn't the same boy that we grew up with. He wanted to work and prove himself. It was refreshing. We still argued but there was no malice behind it," Hermione explained, her voice held a note of fondness. Harry listened to her explanation, not really believing that this was the same girl who punched Malfoy in third year.

"I still think you're crazy. I mean it's _Malfoy," _Harry exclaimed. Hermione chuckled lightly.

"I'm not crazy, my reality is just different to yours," she said, placing a hand on Harry's shoulder and squeezing it, inflicting a semblance of pain. Harry whimpered slightly before she released him.

"Okay, okay. You're not _crazy_," Harry conceded, "but you must admit that it is odd. I mean he was your childhood bully. How could you have forgiven him?"

"I know it's strange, but I don't see him as my bully anymore. He's just _Draco!" _Hermione explained. She sighed. "I realise that you'll never understand but just… be happy for me?"

"Okay," Harry smiled slightly, "I'm sorry. I am happy for you." Silence fell over the two of them as they climbed the rest of the mountain. They settled at the top and sat down in the damp grass, their protective charms stopping the wet from clinging to their clothes. Hermione went to open her mouth when she caught the first glimpses of the lights; her jaw lay open in awe.

The iridescent colours lit up the sky; the blues and greens flowed effortlessly in with the pinks and purples. Scattered across the lights were the white, twinkling stars standing out like popstars on a stage. In patches, Hermione could see the clear black sky contrasting with the bouncing particles. She couldn't believe that the solar wind disturbances in the magnetosphere were the cause of this kaleidoscopic sheet of colours. The swirling hues calmed Hermione down, allowing her to release all her frustrations at Harry.

She turned her head to look at Harry, his profile outlined by the lights. She nudged him slightly with her elbow. He moved his mesmerised gaze to face her.

"I know you mean well but I can take care of myself. Draco knows that if he does _anything_ to me, I'm the first person to take a crack at his ribs. I've punched him before and I _will_ do it again," Hermione threatened, a very Slytherin grin spreading on her face. Harry barked out a laugh, flinging an arm over her shoulder.

"Oh, I remember. That was a brilliant right hook," he stated. Hermione chuckled. They sat in silence as the last of the colours faded into the darkness. As the stars became the only thing left in the sky, Hermione and Harry got up from the ground, brushing the damp grass off their clothes. They began their trek back down the bottom, making sure to keep their torches focused on the ground in front of them. Partway down the mountain, Harry put his arm out to stop Hermione's descent. Hermione raised an eyebrow, opening her mouth to question his motives when he shushed her with a hand over her mouth.

In the quiet, Hermione could hear a soft shuffling and rummaging in the bushes. She swung her torch around to face the noise and inhaled sharply; the light illuminated red dots and a row of snarling, white teeth. Simultaneous gasps sounded from both Harry and Hermione.

"Hermione," Harry whispered, edging his way forward towards the eyes and teeth, "get behind me."

"Harry," Hermione warned, "don't do something stupid." Harry waved a hand to quieten her as he crept forward. She rolled her eyes at his masculine behaviour. "Harry…"

"Shush, Hermione," Harry hissed. Suddenly, a small branch cracked under his feet. In a blur, a mess of black and white flew out of the bushes at Harry who shrieked. He stumbled backwards, slipped and landed down into a chaos of limbs, plants and branches.

"Petrificus Totalus," Hermione yelled, her wand letting out a bright stream of white light at the creature. It stopped dead and fell to the ground. She edged towards the still body, gently kicking the prone body to ensure its stiffness. She shone her torch over it, illuminating the pointed nose and small limbs of a badger. Hermione let out a short bark. "Harry, it's alright. It's only a badger," she chuckled. When she got no response from her "Protector", she looked over at him, only to find him still lying in the bushes. "Harry?" she called. Hermione moved towards the still form, gently kicking his foot to try and rouse him. She shone her torch over his motionless figure and gasped at what she saw.

Harry lay stationary in amongst the plants; his arm was turned outwards revealing a large, bloody gash along his forearm. The dark, congealing liquid covered his skin, mixing with a white goo that spread out under his limb. Hermione stared wide-eyed at the wounded man, her brain ticking in overtime trying to fix the situation. She muttered a levitation spell and lifted Harry off the flora. Underneath him, small lilac flowers lay crushed on the ground; the broken leaves were oozing the white substance. Hermione fished a small container out of her bag and scooped up some of the vegetation.

Grabbing hold of Harry's leg, she concentrated hard and apparated to St Mungo's with a crack. The hospital was bustling with people, invalid and visiting alike. Upon her arrival, she dropped Harry unto a nearby gurney and hustled over to a group of gossiping student healers. They fell silent as one of them spotted her approaching.

"Put the man on the gurney in a private room. Do not give him anything until I get back. Someone fetch me Neville Longbottom and send him to my lab," she barked out orders to them. In a flash, they all scattered to do their respective jobs. Hermione gave Harry a final glance before scurrying down the corridor towards her lab. She only hoped that the inexperienced healers would make him as comfortable as possible.

Upon reaching her lab, she placed the container on the counter and slowly levitated the plant out onto a glass plate. She examined the flowers, the innocent petals stared back up at her; the deadly leaves gazed threateningly through the petals. She frowned in concentration. Leaning back, she ran through the list of purple-flowered plants in her head. _Foxglove, lavender, violets, wolfsbane. _Hermione paused. Wolfsbane. Crushed leaves are poisonous. If they enter the bloodstream, they can cause paralysis. She smacked a hand on her head. _Trust Harry to fall into a pile of aconite and get paralysed._

Hermione chuckled lightly at Harry's misfortune as the door to the lab opened and Neville's head popped around it. He gave a confused look at her mirth.

"Sorry, Neville," Hermione said, "I just thought it was typical of Harry to end up in St. Mungo's after a calm trip up a hill." Neville chuckled.

"Really?" Neville asked. "How did he manage that?"

"Badger," Hemione laughed, shaking her head. Neville stared at her in shock. "Anyway, Neville, would you check this and make sure I'm right about this being aconite? You are the Herbology Expert," she requested.

"Certainly, Hermione," Neville blushed. He moved closer to the plant and examined it. "Yes, that's aconite. Be careful with those crushed leaves, they can paralyse you if they get ingested or in your bloodstream," he clarified. Hermione beamed.

"I knew it. Thanks, Neville. You're a genius," she gave him a brief hug before sprinting out of the room, leaving a stunned Herbologist behind her. She ran to the Potions room and search frantically for the Anti-Paralysis potion. Hermione shuffled through the glass bottles until she came across the one she was looking for. She lifted the small bottle, the clear glass stained by the dribble of pink that lay in it. Hermione pulled out a measuring spoon and poured the potion into it. The liquid that came out didn't even make a dent in the amount that was required. She groaned in despair, using her wand to put the potion back in the jar. She sat down heavily on a stool, burying her head in her hands. She let out another long groan before realising that the recipe for the potion was in her lab, along with all the ingredients. She looked at her watch; it had been ten minutes since Harry had been paralysed. She had fifty minutes before his condition became extremely serious, but the Anti-Paralysis potion only took a half an hour to brew. She could do it.

She ran back to her lab and searched her archives. _Wolfsbane, Amorentia, Felix Felicis. Aha, Anti-Paralysis. _She pulled out the well-worn, brown sheet of parchment. _Right, what's the first step. _Hermione read down through the procedure while gathering her pewter cauldron and the ingredients that were needed. She folded the parchment in half before opening it and propping it up on a container.

_First things first, add two stewed mandrakes. _Hermione removed the two stewed mandrakes from their jar and dropped them into her pot. _Add one sprig of dittany._ She pulled the sprig off the bunch that she had lying on the counter. The potion began to bubble and spit. Hermione nodded in appreciation, knowing she was going in the right direction. She looked down at the method again. _Add one spoonful of powdered bezoar. _Her eyes scanned the countertop, finally landing on the jar with the bezoar. She inserted the pewter spoon into the powder and added that into the cauldron. _Stir anti-clockwise six times. _She silently counted the spins around the potion, watching it turn more golden as she stirred._ Add two sprigs of fluxweed. _She picked up the bunch that was there and quickly tore off two sprigs, dropping them into the bubbling solution. _Stir clockwise four times. Wait fifteen minutes. _Hermione did those two steps and looked at the next step as she waited.

_Add honeywater, six drops. _Hermione glanced around for the jar before beginning to frantically search for the honeywater. Her panic rose as she realised that it wasn't there. She glanced at the clock to find there was only twenty-seven minutes remaining before Harry was in immense danger. Although Hermione knew that there were major risks involved with being paralysed for over an hour, she wasn't sure as to what the side-effects were; she wasn't sure she wanted to know either. She pulled out drawers and opened cupboard doors, all of them missing the vital ingredient. She growled before yanking open the final cupboard door, only to find it empty too. With a grunt, Hermione slumped down on the stool behind her. After rubbing her temples in frustration, she glanced up at the formula only to question how it was standing up. She reached a hand towards the parchment and pulled it down. Behind the parchment stood a jar. Within the jar, a pale golden coloured water twinkled in the light. Hermione closed her eyes in frustration, knowing that her panic was causing her to do stupid things. She picked the jar and a dropper, adding six drops into the potion which shimmered.

_Nineteen minutes. _

Hermione moved onto the next step. _Add one sprig of peppermint. _She picked up the piece of peppermint and added it in._ Wait ten minutes. _ _Add one crushed goosegrass root. _In the ten minutes, she took a goosegrass root out of the jar and put it in a mortar, crushing it to a fine dust with a pestle. When the ten minutes was up, she added the ingredient to the cauldron. _Stir ten times, five clockwise and five anti-clockwise. Wait five minutes. _

Hermione looked at the clock with nine minutes to go. She began to tap her foot incessantly. _When potion turns a pungent-pink colour, it is ready for use. _She watched the liquid obsessively, waiting until the moment that it turned a powerful pink. In one hand, a spoon was being held tightly; in the other hand, her wand was balanced. A small vial was standing waiting for the potion to be transferred into it. As soon as the remedy turned pink, Hermione dipped her spoon in and measured out the amount needed. When the amount was correct, she used her wand to transfer it to the vial. She corked the vial and hurried out of the room. She bustled through corridors before spotting one of the healers that she'd left Harry with.

"Which room is the patient in," she shouted as she rushed past.

"Room 144," the answer sounded after her. She raised a hand in thanks, hurrying away. Hermione jogged down corridors.

_Room 129. Three minutes. _

She picked up her speed as she got closer to Harry's room.

_Room 136. Two and a half minutes. _

With one final heaving breath, Hermione pushed herself with a sprint to Room 144. She landed into the room in a mess of sweat, pants and limbs. Lying on a bed as white as his complexion, Harry was stiff as a board. The overhead lights accentuated his sickly colour.

_Two minutes._

Hermione rushed over to his beside and with a bit of a struggle, uncorked the vial. She grasped Harry's chin and opened his mouth, pouring the pink fluid into his system. She watched with bated breath to see if it worked. As Hermione felt the panic begin to rise again, her fears becoming prominent, Harry began to blink and cough. He inhaled deeply, rising to sit up as movement entered his body again.

"That's disgusting," Harry muttered. "What is it?" Hermione laughed as she gave Harry a hug.

"Anti-paralysis potion," she replied. She stared at Harry as the colour returned to his cheeks. Once she decided that he was back to normal, she raised her fist and thumped him in the arm.

"Ow," Harry complained, his hand going up to cover the injured area.

"That was for getting yourself paralysed," Hermione stated. "Aren't you glad I was around to _save you_?"

"Yes, I am," Harry said, still rubbing his arm. He looked down at it and frowned. "Now I know how Draco felt when you punched _him_. You can definitely hold your own," he confirmed. Hermione smiled. At least something positive came out of their trip up Ben Nevis.

_I'll be honest, I struggled through this but I got there and it's up. As always, read and review. _


End file.
